Monthly Archives: April 2007

i’m watching the lakers and suns game and while flicking through the chanels on commercial i came across this infomercial. i’ve seen it a bunch of times and it kills me everytime. here are some highlights:

“as thick as my wrist and as long as her arm!”

“44 lbs of undigested fecal matter”

conversation with gary.

and of course, the remix.

i went to visit my boy Stu (not his real name) today. he’s locked up in toronto east metro detention center at warden and eglington. Stu’s been there for 2 months now because he was denied bail the first time he went up for it. next week he goes back for round two, and if he gets bail, he’ll be able to go home until his trial in novemberish. he’d be under strict rules obviously, but he would be home.


most of us know what ‘home‘ is or what it’s like.

but for some reason i’m not entirely sure that Stu knows what home is really like. in order to explain this more, i’ll have to back up a little bit…

i met Stu just over 5 years ago at a youth convention. there was a basketball tourny and we both needed a team, so we joined together to make one. from that day, our friendship (although it’s more than a friendship) began. we bumped into each other a couple of weeks later at a church out in pickering, ON. since then, we’ve been tight. we ball together, we go to raptors games together, we hang out, heck, sometimes we even pray together. i say sometimes for a reason. Stu’s membership in the Body of Christ has been shakey to say the least. he’s had an on-and-off again relationship with God ever since i’ve known him, but God hasn’t forsaken him. while Stu was living in pickering, he stayed with a “foster” family that took him in. they weren’t officially his foster parents or anything, just a safe place for him to call home and experience God. a couple of years back, shane left that foster family and moved in with his grandmother in south-west scarborough. then he spent a bit of time with his mother and her boyfriend. then he moved to his stepdad (who he calls his dad) and his wifes house. then he moved out to brampton to be closer to his girlfriend. then he moved back with his stepdad. last summer something strange happened though. Stu and i were walking through the mall in newmarket and a man called out, “Stu!” from across the hallway. Stu looked up, “oh shit,” he said, and turned his head away. “what?” i asked. “that’s my dad.” wow, 4 years i’ve known Stu and now i finally get to meet some of his blood family. his dad approached us, and immediately it hit me like a mack truck. it was the smell of a dead-beat dad. it was the smell of a middle-aged black man that was intoxicated in the middle of the afternoon. we chatted for a bit and then moved on. Stu was a bit aggrivated about bumping into his dad, which i found strange since it had been 6 years since their last meeting. all of this to say, i never knew anything about Stu’s family. anyways, in the 5 years i’ve known Stu i never asked him about his family, until today.

as we sat there face to face (i’m on the pastors list at east metro so i can visit inmates face to face as opposed to on the phone through the glass) and talked about who had been in to visit him i said, “does your dad know about this?” “no,” he replied, “he doesn’t deserve to know. when you abandon your child you lose out on that.”

…all of this to say, i’m not sure that Stu knows what home is like. he has no connection with his blood anymore, except for the occasional visit from his mother and maternal grandmother. however, when he gets out, he plans to cut-off communication with that side of his family. he has moved around from friend to friend, foster home to foster home, city to city, and i’m not sure he has ever really known home (his “foster” family in pickering were amazing and loved him despite everything, but, although he was exposed to home there, i don’t think he had the eyes to see it).

next week, Stu may get to leave prison and go home.  but what is home? and so here i am, left with an incredible burden to see Stu fulfill his God given purpose on this earth. however, in order to do this he will need to be ambushed by love and redemption. a life-altering redemption. i feel as though i need to show Stu what home is like. welcome him. love him. embrace him. empower him.

God be my strength so i can do this. be my wisdom so i know how to do this. and be my joy so that i can rejoice in this difficulty.

more importantly God, be these things for Stu. be his strength, wisdom and joy. may he know you. open his ears and eyes. may he see that you are HERE. PRESENT. LOVING. redeem him.

man, i’m so excited, and it’s over something that may seem so trivial. but still, playoff basketball is back in toronto so what’s not to be excited about. today (in about an hour from now) the raptors will tip off against the nets in game 1 of the opening round of the playoffs. every sports analyst has already said this, and any basketball fan knows this already, but this will be one crazy series. carter didn’t exactly depart from the raptors on good terms and every time he returns to the ACC he is assaulted with ‘boo’s’! the equation would look something like this: (the toronto fans animosity towards vince)+(the intensity of playoff basketball)=absolute insanity at ACC.

i think that the toronto raptors will take this series, probably in 5 games. here’s why: size, speed, and team work.

size. the raptors are just bigger. bosh, bargnani (he’s back!), nesterovich. who do the nets have again? collins??? the raptors have the superior big men and if they are used correctly then we will dominate the paint. speed. the raptors are faster. now i know that VC, kidd and jefferson aren’t slow pokes in and of themselves, but the raptors as a team play at a higher pace. this should not only provide some good transition action but also run down the nets on defence. on this note, it will be interesting to see how TJ matches up with kidd. team work. when the raptors work together they are virtually unstoppable. they key is getting them not to give up on each other for the entire game.

the x-factor: anthony parker. this dude came out of no where and has been lighting it up for the second half of the season. if he can maintain this throughout the post-season then look out!

anyways, i just love playoff basketball and can’t wait for the game to start. plus, i’m goin to game 2 on tuesday! YEE!


on a side note, my mom is throwing Christina and i an engagement party tonight and that should be fun.


on another side note. one of my good friends and groomsmen is in prison. he’s got a bail hearing on tuesday (was denied bail the first time and has been behind bars for 5 weeks now) so pray that the judge would look upon him with favour and grant him bail until his trial in the near future.



i’m starting a new series here called ‘up and down’ and it’s where i personally give up’s and down’s for various things that are worthy of an up or a down (up being good, down being not so good). get it? here’s the inaugural post…

up to darren glendenning who pointed this funny tidbit of nonsense out to me. go to google maps and click on ‘get directions’. enter the following information, from: new york, new york, to: paris, france. scroll down and read line 23 (or just check out the picture below).

up to jevan for this hilarious post.

up to ticketmaster for releasing raptors playoff tickets in blocks. i thought they were sold out. until tonight! i got a ticket for game 2. it’s first row in the balcony…hellatight!

down (a BIG down) to ticketmaster for verification codes. holy crap i hate those things. i swear they have those verification codes just to piss people off. you have to be a genious to read half of those things. it’s like they TRY to stump you. what the crap? i can’t read that. superman can’t read that. who made this? GEEZ. my macbook almost flew across the room as a result.

down to my macbook. i’ve had my macbook for about 11 months now (may 2006) and i’ve never had any mishaps. this past week i dropped it twice. dang it.

up to my ogio laptop case for saving my macbook from sure death when it hit the pavement outside of Christina’s parents house.

down to the washington wizards for not being able to stay in 6th place and give toronto an easy pass to the second round. slackers.

up to an exciting first round when toronto faces new jersey. this means vince will be in the house. yesssss!

down to bonehead reporters. i heard an american reporter refer to the young man who shot all those people at VT as “a creepy loner kid.” wait to go buffalo news 3rd string reporter. it’s words like that that make people want to shoot other people.

up to this new series. 



monday’s can be tough some weeks. if you’re having a tough one today then hopefully these links will cheer you up!

teacher throws poop.


i love the office and this has to be one of my all-time favourite scenes. ever.


for all of those kids who slept through history class, here is a list of the 2o greatest historical myths. i would get kudos from dr. crouse for this, i’m sure.


have you ever wanted to lose it on a fellow employee? well this is friggin hilarious. watch what happens as the guy on the right in the middle pushes his luck when he throws crap at his pal.


chris rock talks about the difference between black men and white women.


in other news, the raptors won tonight. again. wow.



demetri martin is a very funny man. i’ve been listening to a live CD of his that a friend of mine gave to me a couple of weeks back and i think i laugh harder every time. in case you don’t know, demetri used to write for conan but now (i’m pretty sure) he does mostly stand-up. here are some of my favourite lines:

“dreamcatchers work. if your dream is to be gay.”

“swimming is a confusing sport. because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. when i’m swimming i don’t know which one it is, you know. i gotta go by the outfit. pants: uh oh.”

“you always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. but you never hear about the next generation, the guy who raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. that would be confusing, because then you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings. ‘dad, quit sniffing my ass, i’m gunna miss the bus.'”

“i like digital camera’s because they allow you to reminisce immediately.”

more to come…


on another note, the raptors are playing the detroit pistons tonight, which could very well be a preview of the eastern conference finals if the raptors stay in 3rd place. if toronto stays in 3rd and washington stays in 6th then the two teams will meet in the first round of playoffs, which is sweet since gilbert arenas is out! also, this would mean that the raps wouldn’t meet detroit until the eastern finals. nevertheless, it should be a good game tonight and it will be interesting to see how it turns out, especially if bargnani plays.




the raptors WON tonight against detroit. did i mention that detroit is the top team in the east and favourite to win the eastern conference? unfortunately i didn’t get to see the game because i’m sitting in a tim hortons at york university waiting for christina to get out of her exam. but, as i read, i “watched” the entire games progress on the live boxscore feature on however, i was still on the edge of my seat. the raptors are having an incredible season, so you may as well jump on the bandwagon now, before the post-season. at half the raps were down by 13 points. going into the 4th quarter they were down by 11 (we all know what this would have meant in previous seasons where the raps were infamous for blowing 4th quarters). nevertheless, they pulled together and outscored detroit 29-15 in the final quarter to win by 3. final score, 87-84. WOW. mark my words, the toronto raptors are legitimate contenders for the eastern conference crown (and for the first time in the clubs history at that). YEE!


Jevan: “dude, want to work from 7:30-10:00am and make $100?”

Me: *$100 for 2.5 hrs?* “heck yes.”

Jevan: “sweet, see ya on monday morning.”


so i had to be at spring free trampoline (endorsed by karen cockburn, bronze and silver medalist…no gold? what’s up with that?!) for 7:30am this morning to unload a shipping container full of trampolines. ones without springs, hence, spring free. i woke up late. say, 6:40am, so i didn’t have time to eat breakfast. i did, however, have time to grab a coffee. i got to the warehouse at7:45am, only to find out that the truck hadn’t arrived yet. jevan and i chatted for about an hour or so and the truck still hadn’t shown. so we decided to play ringette, with fiberglass rods and a roll of masking tape. i dominated, clearly, 10-5. i am the fiberglass rod ringette champion of spring free trampolines.

the truck still wasn’t here, so since i was hungry we decided to walk next door and get a breakfast sandwich from subway. i reached for the door and pulled, dang it, locked. ‘when the crap does this place open?’ i thought. the sign on the door said that they opened at 9:00am. according to jevans watch, it was precisely 9:03am. ‘ok,’ i thought, ‘maybe she’s about to open the store.’ nope. 9:10am, and still, she’s wandering around inside the store while we wait outside, hungry. so i bang on the window and motion her to come to the door. she shakes her head. whatttttt?!!!! so i said, “it’s after 9am, your store opens at 9!” she just shaked her head again, but this time, she stuck up 8 fingers and 2 thumbs. 10? “what do you mean you open at 10am? your sign says 9am!!” nope. just another shake of the head. i wasn’t happy. but i was hungry. so we just went to starbucks.

upon returning to the warehouse the truck still wasn’t there. finally, at 10am the truck arrived, unfortunately, the driver was retarded (not literally of course, this just means he couldn’t drive). it took him about 1/2 hr to back the truck up. seriously. finally, we begin to unload.

now i must tell you, this shipping container was huge and contained 150 trampolines. however, each trampoline came in 3 seperate boxes, each of which weighed 100 lbs for a total net wait of 45,000 lbs. ouch. we started off lifting like the strapping young men we are, but by about halfway through the container i was wishing i was jean grey (obviously, because then i could simply move the trampolines with my mind), or at least he-man. needless to say, by the end of the container, and approximately 22,500 lbs later (jevan did the other half) i was pooped. and soar.

in the end here’s how it broke down: 2.5 hours of waiting; 4.5 hours of lifting; 7 total hours; 45,000 lbs of trampoline; $150.

i think this is an appropriate time to remind you of what jevan originally promised me…

Jevan: “dude, want to work from 7:30-10:00am and make $100?”

ya right.