48 hour days, please.

i need more time.

there is just so much happening lately that it feels like i’m always on the go. i need time to just stop.

i’m predicting that september 2007 will be the most insane month of my life, ever, to date. for many reasons, of which, here are a few:

– i get married in a month. september 28th. that means that september will be crazy hectic for obvious reasons like trying to tie up all of the loose ends that come with a wedding (i’m of the conviction that i don’t want to leave all of that to my great fiancee!).

– youth kicks-off on september 9th. the first sunday evening of the “year”. we’re starting off doing a series called “fabric” where we’ll be looking at what makes up the “fabric” of someone that is situated in the Way. i.e. what does Jesus care about? do i care about these things? this year i don’t want to be putting the finishing touches on messages the day OF.

– church. this was a hard year for me in many aspects but God is good and i’m striving to abide in him and stay balanced, not taking on more than i think is good. Lord help me. i’m also trying to resist the pressure to have a vision/mission. i hate that language so much. my vision is to be visionless (i learned this in a couple of discussions with nakedpastor). i refuse to create a vision for a future moment that will probably never arrive and always strive towards that future moment. rather, i’m deciding to be present NOW with people and to let tomorrow worry about itself.

– money. my soon-to-be-wife is going back to school which means we’ll both be living on a youth pastors salary (read: not a whole lot). but i’m really actually glad for this because it will force us to live within our means (and hopefully even BELOW our means). and if we manage to practice what we preach and live below our means then maybe we’ll even have extra stuff left over to help meet the needs of others.

thats enough of that. anyways, i’ll be glad when september is over, i think

also, lately i’ve been thinking about leadership and how the church needs to quit being such a flippin carbon copy of corporate america. why are we taking leadership strategies from the business world and trying to implement them in the church? Lord help us. how about looking at what Jesus said about “leadership”. like, for example, how he turned our ideas of power, influence and success (as well as individualism) on their heads. most Christians need to just shut-up and serve. that’s it. just serve, and don’t say anything about it either. me included.  (check out THIS post on “leadership”).

i don’t know what else to say here…

peace.

jt.

appetite.

i like subway.

the food is good, the bread is fresh and i feel better after eating it as opposed to ‘other’ fast-food chains.

we had VBS this morning and i started off on a bad foot when i left the house early without breaking-my-fast. however, i was so busy with the kids all morning that i didn’t even realize that i was hungry.

vbs ended. i got in the car and headed to subway.

once i got inside the smell of bread hit me and as i watched the lady make my sandwich i noticed that my mouth was watering. my stomach began to become excited knowing that it would soon be filled. my senses were in ecstasy.

however, the funny thing was, i didn’t even realize how hungry i was until i saw the woman making the sandwich and took the food in with my senses. fifteen minutes prior, i didn’t know i was hungry.

———-

about seven or so years ago my dad won an xbox at his work. it was great! lately, i’ve mostly been playing fifa 2007 with some friends. i would always just rent the game whenever they came over and we would have really intense matches.

then they would go home and i would return the game and not play it for a week or two. during those weeks i forgot about how much fun it was to play. then when we got together again, i would suddenly remember the fun we had.

the other day i was sitting at home having a relaxing evening. suddenly i began to think about fifa and remembered how much fun it was. so i got up and went out to walmart where i purchased it for only $10.

———-

smelling and seeing the food reminded me of my hunger.

thinking of fifa reminded me of the fun that was had.

this got me thinking about God (i know…subway and fifa to God?!).

lately i’ve been feeling like i’m not a Christian. i’ve been feeling a disconnect, of sorts, with God. i’ve been getting frustrated very easily and when i get frustrated i’ve been handling that frustration inappropriately in ways i wouldn’t normally handle it.

i haven’t been reading scripture.

i haven’t been spending time in prayer.

i haven’t been thinking about God.

i didn’t realize how hungry i was.

i forgot how much fun fifa was.

likewise, i forgot how good God is.

then, there have been times, recently, when i’ve “smelt the bread and remembered the game” so-to-speak. for example, the other evening i went up to youth camp with some people and during the time of singing in the evening service i caught the smell of a sweet aroma. and then this morning my fiancee (whom i adore) sent me an incredibly encouraging email about my struggles and God’s faithfulness and covenant to me.

i thought about God.

suddenly i remember how much i need him. i remembered his goodness and faithfulness and patience with me. i thought about knowing him through Christ and the word. i recalled times spent in prayer and meditating on the word.

suddenly a verse came to mind. i had just read it while i was on the toilet last night (Christina’s family have a calendar in the washroom with scripture on it). yesterdays scripture read: “may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer” _ps. 19:14.

lately, i think i’ve been too focused on doing and not focused enough on  simply abiding (remaining). God doesn’t so much call us to do anything. rather, he simply says, “remain in Me, and I will remain in you. no branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me. I am the Vine; you are the branches. if a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing” _jn. 15:4-5.

the reason i’ve felt a disconnect, i suppose, has much to do with the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart. i haven’t been meditating on God. as a result, my mind wandered to other things. i became distracted and forgot how satisfying it is to know and be known by your Creator.

———-

friends, may you be encouraged.

may the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart be pleasing in His sight.

and as your heart meditates, may you know of God’s goodness and may it remind you of how empty and unfulfilled you are without him.

may you look at God and be reminded of your appetite.