it’s been a rather discouraging day for me and to be honest, it’s causing me to wonder if i can make it in this ministry thing.

i feel very inadequate at the moment. i feel as if i’m underqualified for what i’m doing and unprepared and to top it off, i’m struggling with some stuff but don’t feel safe to talk to many people about it for fear of being told i can’t be in ministry.

i think that the enemy is really speaking into my life. he’s telling me i can’t. i’m no good. i’m unable. i don’t have the tools. he’s even telling me that i don’t know God and it’s becoming increasingly harder for me to not listen to him. the church situation is rough and i don’t feel as if i can talk to the (interim) pastor here about much because he’s old in age and in school and i get the feeling that he is quite intolerant and closed to the fact that people, realy people that have the nerve to say they love Jesus, struggle with sin.

ultimately, i feel lonely.

even as i write this i feel deeply discouraged, almost to the point of tears.

Lord be my encouragement. speak life to me. turn my ears to your voice and let me come alive in the Spirit. teach me how to live and walk in the Spirit. forgive me and please don’t take your mercy from me.

these lyrics are my cry right now:

create in me a clean heart oh God/and renew a right spirit within me

create in me a clean heart oh God/and renew a right spirit within me 

cast me not away from thy presence oh Lord/take not thy holy spirit from me

restore unto me the joy of they salvation/and renew a right spirit within me

  1. kclick said:

    Ps 40:1-3
    I waited patiently for the LORD;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.
    2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
    he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.
    3 He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
    Many will see and fear
    and put their trust in the LORD.

  2. jt* said:

    thank you kclick. i’m not sure how you stubbled upon me here but i appreciate your encouragement. i pray that you would grow in the knowledge of God and that his presence in your life would so overwhelm you to the point of laying down your life for those you serve. much love.

  3. stacy said:

    Yet, if you devote your heart to Him
    and stretch out your hands to Him,
    if you put away the sin that in your
    and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
    then you will lift your face without shame,
    you will stand firm and without fear.
    You will surely forget your trouble,
    recalling it only as waters gone by.
    Life will be brighter than noonday,
    and darkness will become like morning.
    You will be secure, because there is Hope.
    Job 13-18

  4. jt* said:

    wow. holy crap. WOW. thanks stacy that was extremely exactly (nice alliteration huh?) what i needed to hear. keep it up.

    ps – what chapter is that?

  5. stacy said:

    🙂 the Lord works in great ways!
    i’m glad it’s what you needed to hear, I’m only sorry to have been a contributing factor to your discouragement. I wish I had read this blog earlier, I would’ve come 5 hours early on Sunday. But anyways, you can find that verse in Chapter 11 (sorry that I forgot to include that, ops!).
    Please dont be discouraged by the occassional lack of attendence of youth; you’re not only a huge role model for all of us, but what you “preach” is also a huge encouragement to all of us, especially for me. Regardless of the fact that what I’ve said sounds incredibly cheesy, it’s very true.

  6. jt* said:

    hahaha well thanks for the cheesy-ness. and PLEASE, i beg you, don’t consider yourself to be “a contributing factor to [my] discouragement”. this has nothing to do with any individuals, including yourself. sometimes you just get discouraged at circumstance and there doesn’t need to be blame placed on anyone. you know what i mean? but thank you for your honesty and compassion. keep loving Jesus and encouraging others (as you’ve done to me NUMEROUS times)!

  7. jt* said:

    ps- i’m no longer discouraged! rather, i’m encouraged in the LORD!

  8. stacy said:

    🙂 that’s wonderful. im glad!

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